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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009
Posts: 2,127
Location: Thornton Cleveleys
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Hi Jenni Just wondering how Gemma is doing, it's nearly two weeks isn't it? Has she started to settle in to her new environment? I know it's early days yet but hope things are going well for her and of course you, Richard, Michael and Bernice. A difficult time for you all but fingers crossed for a positive outcome. Take care, Lyn x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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hi Lyn, thanks for asking.
Gems likes the therapeutic unit, she does school in the mornings and therapeutic activities in the afternoons like cooking, doggy walking, cat cuddling, trampoline and swimming as well as creative group work.
The day she moved into the unit, she did ok- very excited about all the things they do there etc. As expected no emotion (that is a main reason why she is there.)
Underneath she was very anxious and in the car I could smell wee and thought OH NO but we managed to sort things out swiftly. She did have a hurty arm, hurty toe, hurty eye lid etc on the way. the best one by far being a hurty bogie!
I made sure she had a lot for lunch and drank all her cola (we have probs getting her to drink enough) and she went to the loo with me with her.
her key 1:1 met us and is just lovely. Gemma was giving nothing away, little squeak yes or no.
lots of baby and different voices, persona flicking.
I don't think she knew how to be.
I had to smile when we were going to her room. one of the other girls has tweaked the hall radiator valve off, another has a hurty foot (limping and hopping dramatically, another had swiped the biscuits from the communal tin. I thought "Gemma is going to fit here- she is no longer the outside little girl."
While Richard, Gems and her 1:1 unpacked the car I went for a meeting with the hand over lady and the headteacher and they are going to take Gemma forward for statement. They have already bought and labelled up files for Gem, got her programme ready. Some of her programme each day is to include either creative, active and animal therapeutic activities. Including a new one investigated just for her of horse whispering with skittish horses, together with the cat cuddling, doggy walking time on the farm etc.
We then met up again briefly and talked through how similar the routine there is to her own (similar bedtimes etc) and then it was time to go.
I could feel the hot tears rolling down my face. I didn't seem to be able to stop them at all.
They seem to arrive and then go. Then sometimes I am very angry about how a little girl was so unhelped early on....
we had our telephone contact the first wk and it seemed ok. we have had our first telephone contact. Gemma managed quite well, she came on the phone with one voice I didnt recognise, within minutes was the gemma I know from home, then baby Gem voice, then the hoity toity voice, then back to the first one- all in a 15 minute call.
She is seemingly settling well, she has a 1:1 with her all the time- I would not have liked this one tiny bit at any age really but Gemma loves it. She is thriving and feels safest and happiest with constant support.
No untoward behaviour, the staff all love her and I felt a slight twinge of "do they believe me?" but then thought- actually, the mental health stuff is pretty evident even if the err, disturbed behaviour hasnt come out to bite them yet.
Gemma has shown her 1:1 the cards, letters and photos. the only issue has been trying to get her out of a certain dressing gown carrying her bear and the new cushion. Her key worker is back on shift at the weekend and will help her stick up the photos etc. they have a housekeeping team to help her keep on top of all her chaos.
Apparently the cat cuddling and doggie walking is to come and gemma has enjoyed the cooking and eating as well as the bike riding and the "make over". She has had a male support worker for a time yesterday. Gem was quiet about this but he was declared "ok" and so the jury is out on him then!
managed not to cry on the phone- spoke to her 1:1 on the phone after and felt my voice cracking and so drew it to a close.
She is doing fine.
Even Bernice managed to say "Hello Gemma" really clearly (phones mystify her a bit) and Michael said he loved and missed her.
Its all a bit "yes and no's" on the phone. one level conversation is a feature of Gem really but once I was speaking to the Gemma voice I knew, she was much more forthcoming.
I missed her in the wk when we had been out to a lovely farm in the sunshine. we sat on the bench with a warm cuppa, feeding the ducks and I looked over to the little gate that I have a photo of at home of a little 7yr old and a 5 yr old sat on. so sad to miss her. it caught me unawares that day.
Mind you didnt miss the shouting harrumphing child of 12 who cant cope with nice days out.... arent I fickle?
Finally, here are some posts I did for my blog called the adoptive revolutionary front. It is mine, and many other adoptive families therapy to write this.
thank you all so much for the supports ongoing.
Jenni xxhow to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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code breaker- en1 is enemy number 1, my code name is Pear tree and you can work out who EN2 is, wider family are referred to collectively as the orchard! SCUM are "services cost us money" and SS are social services, run by the scum. CAMHS are the mental health people, Bubblewrap zone is the therapeutic community. Further translation on request!
En1 Pear tree is busy with doing some loose end things re ARF Blossom and the Bubblewrap Zone and one particular branch of the SCUM AKA the local SS who are not pulling their weight and leaving ARF Blossom without the required protection.
En1 has also tackled the rebellious body and submitted it to visit to MASH chief whatsit.
MCW is a good man and quite nice on the eye but he decided to stab EN1 with a large stabber in her knee but this may enable EN more movement.
Much love to all camps
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en1 ahoy- this is because en1 is in fact writing a captains log from the choppy seas surrounding HMS Orchard.
The scum arrived in force on the door step this morning. This is because En1 has been rocking too many boats re provision for Blossom and now they are concerned that EN1s venture Monthly redenvous with fellow ENs will result in influx of Bubblewrap requests.
En1 has been firmly given message to BACK OFF re the loose ends re Blossom and that all is in hand. En1 is considering options and will powwow with fellow captain En2 and see if action by stealth might be a way forward to getting the last bits of safety netting up around bubblewrap camp.
En1 is tempted to say some very rude words that would make sailors blush.
En1 has also had bottom lip wobbling attack after Bubblewrap conversation where Blossom is doing well but has had a quiet moment in her new bunker, this is reported because she "misses" the orchard and en1 pear tree.
"misses" is not a word that En1 has ever heard ARF Blossom utter before. In fact en1 is surprised to hear it at all from ARF Blossom. en1 does not know whether to be sad or pleased and so occular leakage occurred anyway!
In the meantime, En1 is attempting to negotiate the rapids of POTTY TRAINING with able and interested (but bloody minded and stropper alotter mode 2 yr old on a mission type thing) non Arf Pip and the Orchard is packed to the gunnel's with pull ups, stickers, knickers , potty and loo seats for little bases. So far we have had 5 wees and 1 poo- none in the desired container[( never mind.
ARF Partridge has come home with a shifty look and holes in his bootcamp uniform. This normally means ARF Partridge is being too rough with silly boys again.
Please send special branch in for further investigation.
Waving flag to other camps, particularly those at logger heads with the SCUM.
En is starting to feel concerned that she is negative about SCUM local branch and that they dont think this is justified at all. En1 wonders if hoodwinking families into taking children who end up having lots of serious problems and leaving them high and dry is somehow perfectly acceptable, and then if you make waves and get some support they want you to get straight back in the box and say things like "you can come over very powerfully en1"
en1 doesnt want to be full of crossness about SS branch of SCUM but feels the SCUM have made her this way.
am I wrong Ens?
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En1 wonders if the ARF are in retreat?
ARF Partridge has had a SHOWER
USED the SOAP OF DOOM
AND
AND!
Is only sat reading (yes READING) a book!! It is called Percy jackson, lightening thief and he is LOVING it and wants the next one in the series!!!!!!!!!
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En1 spent time with fellow ENs this morning from ecclesiastical zone for spiritual support. En1 Pear tree expressed feeling bad at becoming much more err, forceful, been more forgetting her Christian kindness virtues then she wants to be and seems to have all attempts at kindness sucked out of her when certain branches of the SCUM are involved. They are clearly Dementors from the Harry Potter books.
En1 has then remembered the example from the good book of righteous anger and feels encouraged. Afterall its not as if I have shouted at them, sworn at them and posted cat poop to them is it? (tempting tactics I know comrades All I did is try and get services for the ARF and asked very nicely and persistently.
they do NOT like it up 'em
Plus, Ens it seems that the cavalry Camhs insightfully tell me that the orchard have made PAS team of SS "look bad" and they do not like this.
WELL! Ens!
They should have done their B***dy jobs then!
Always keen to hear how other camps are fairing.
Over and out xx
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The SCUM have commented on the "unusual" decoration in the Orchard. afraid that over the years ARF Blossom has done her worst to HQ. This includes cracked doors ropily held together, holes in walls and bits of trunking held up with heath robinson style expertise. the hastily restuck wall covering in the company zone ie lounge almost completes the look but when you look out into the leaky glass zone and this wk's spectacle is a large dismembered head of a cyclops papier mache'd balloon.
temptation to explain this was the last SCUM SW to cross my children was strong.....
It is actually hanging up there to dry as it is for Partridge bootcamp project to do an interesting talk on a topic, but it looks like the feline mascot is holding bizarre kitty disco's out there with a most unusual glitter ball!
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En1 is feeling rather this evening.
This is because ARF Partridge has only got a GRADE C for his first Biology exam at bootcamp at GCSE level
This lad who was "uncertain" developmentally, couldnt hold a pencil let alone write his name and was until y7, at least 4 yrs behind has got a BLOOMIN LEVEL C!!!!!!!!!!
He has also secured himself a good work experience placement to give Agent a gentle taste of the (scarey) BIG WIDE WORLD.
En is feeling proud
The Orchard has had a telephone communication from ARF Blossom this evening. There is code "something going on" as ARF Blossom has hoodwinked no less than 3 special assistant Bubblewrap zone workers in a way that allowed Blossom to ring up various people from the Orchard at various non regulation times.
Also, ARF Blossom has had an "incident" (I thought)
Blossom has a piece of young lady equipment for unsightly hairs in funny places.
put it this way, in her little unit of 5 young ladies, there is only one eye brow left between them..............
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ps. Operation "lady shave eyebrows and eyelashes" has been stood down as Bubblewrap sgts have generously given lady shave new home in the office......
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Good morning fellow comrades and I hope that all camps are managing the ups and downs of EN1 day with some flourish of turquoise.
En1 here has so much to report really.
No1 En1 is missing ARF Blossom very much, particularly today. Even En1's official slumber was interrupted with several dreams of said agent, including one where a man who had so hurt my young lady had set a giant dragon and his trusty eyebrow slayer to get her and only I had to rescue her but she had barackaded herself in so I couldn't get to her...
No2. Ens have been feeling justifiably proud of agent partridge, especially as all the hard work ens and he has put in over the annual tinsel celebrations and recent half term wk of careful scaffolding of agent to achieve good solid results from GCSE coursework.
No3. En2 is much loved in the Orchard but DIY is not En2's forte. This has resulted in the extraordinary spectacle of En2 taking 2.5 hrs to put up 3 screws and a bracket for ARF Partridges new punch bag only to witness the bracket fall off the wall in one smooth, limp and graceful clunk followed by the tip tap tap of the 3 screws. En2 turned a strange shade of purpley green and did a funny dance which highly amused en1, arf and Pip much to en2s further hippety hoppety crabs in a bucket dance
because of no3, En1 has paid some meaty Cavalry to fix fence and non arf Pips scrambling and agility training equipment (swing and slide) and this has been declared a "success". ARF Partridge did ladfully assist paid cavalry and code "enjoyed" self but certain ARF traits leaked. He does stand awkwardly, head forward, arms swinging. He also is silly. silliness with large no mans land fork into ground several times with non regulation trainers is no smart move. Paid cavalry do not realise the "ways of the arf" and laughed at silly antics and joked about how stupid arf partridge was being. arf partridge laughed to be part of joke and continued to stab en's no mans land liberally and perilously close to his feet.En1 asked for a "quiet word" with Arf partridge and requested he stop. En1 is worrying about Arf Partridge as he has followed the ARF CODE to the letter "never learn"......Swing set is however up and looks fab and non arf Pip has had code "whale of a time" with en2 on it!
Following on from no2 above, Arf Partridge has lead ens to suspect all is not as it seems at bootcamp. the faint but constant bleep of the bovine excrement meter over lack of regulation homework and empty pages of homework diary, plus the appearance of holes a plenty in agents bootcamp gear and mud and grime and lack of supplies already provided by Orchard has turned it up a gear.
Well, Ens the BEM is a fine tunned instrument that is right again. ARF Partridge has in fact got a GCSE French exam on monday and done code "B**ger all". ARF Partridge has had a dramatic wobbler at the unfairness of it all.
It is simply not fair because we do not let him just get on with it, so and so at bootcamp got an A for maths and he didnt even revise, the fact that he has told WOPPAS for 4 wks about the whereabouts of his bks and equipment and having completed all work etc is not him lying at all- it is all ens fault for BELIEVING agent and not checking.
En1 gave him the option of accepting her kind offer of scaffolding support as best I can for the one day left before the worst subject exam he has or he could decline said offer and flunk exams.
En1 has a feeling of dee ja vous and
En is spending mothers day doing ARF Partridges b***dy french revision with him, which she is rubbish at because she took german at bootcamp and gave up french over 20 yrs ago....
Ens have made it clear to agent that this is the last bale out and that en1 will be in contact with bootcamp and we have a SERIOUS problem here....
Over and out
how to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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Just a little extra bit.
My parents saw Gems today and she was the same as ever but very pleased to see them. The staff and girls are fond of her and she had been out and bought me some yellow roses and a card and signed it from her pet name which was just lovely and I did not expect her to have done this at all.
 Jenni xxhow to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 1,524 Location: W. Yorkshire
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This sounds wonderful Jenni. I've been wondering how she is but didn't want to upset you. The environment sounds so ideal for Gemma. YES I'VE CHANGED, PAIN DOES THAT TO PEOPLE.
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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This is it Julie, I have moments when the tears just come and come and other times when I am pragmatic and other times when things are ticking past. gemma hasnt died! but it is a loss.
I have total peace about the special school unit and that is a key thing for me coping with this. Gemma is in the specialist hands of people who really genuinely care. It is such a loss for us on a day to day basis but Gemma really doesnt get that at all, she is very happy and having her extensive needs well cared for.
I never know how much to put about things on here, as I am aware that there are adoptees and adoptive mums on here plus others who have had less than ideal starts in life and I dont want to cause upset but as Lyn asked I dont mind saying!
Jenni x
how to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,081
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Oh Jenni - I'm so glad you posted. I've been wondering too but didn't want to ask in case it upset you. I can understand your feeling of loss - there must be such a 'gap' in your everyday lives. Am so glad the Gemma is happy in her new surroundings though.
Julie
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,157 Location: Huddersfield
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Hi Jenni,
It's good to hear that Gemma is happy where she is.
You have done such a fantastic job with her to get her this far.........think of this as being at finishing school!
Love and hugs, Doreen xx
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009
Posts: 2,127
Location: Thornton Cleveleys
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Hi Jenni It is really wonderful news about Gemma. I am so glad that she is settling into her new routine and with the help of the specialist staff around her will receive the expert help she needs at the moment. You are one very special person Jenni; you have met Gemma's needs thus far providing her with a loving family home and now she needs just that bit extra. That bit that you have fought so hard to get for her. Not many could have undertaken what you have done and out of those that do even more would have hit the ground at the first hurdle. You are so supportive of others Jenni and over the last couple of weeks I wondered how things were going for you all. I hope you don't mind me asking but I just wanted you to know that you are still in my thoughts. Hope things continue to go well. Lyn x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 288 Location: LUTON
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What a wonderful and scary adventure for you all, and it seems to be paying off, sounds like a wonderful place. It is so nice to read all about the new steps in her life.
Love to you, and your lovley family Anne-Marie xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 327
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Hi jenni I, too, have been wondering how Gemma was, so am very grateful to Lyn for posting this topic. I can't begin to imagine how much you must all miss Gemma, but so pleased that things are working out well. I do like Doreen's suggestion that you think of it as "finishing school" And at least you know she is happy where she is and that it is the best place for her at the moment. Anthea xx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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really missing her today, its funny how it hits me from time to time. how to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/10/2009 Posts: 653 Location: Notts
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Hi Jenni
Gemma's new placement sounds fantastic, I'm sure she'll get really good care while there. I can understand how you must feel about letting go, you're bound to think of times past, but it will be well worth it if Gemma becomes a whole person again.
You have done wonders for her, and Michael, you should feel very proud of yourself.
Love Lyn
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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That sounds like progress for Gemma, Jenni. You must miss her dreadfully, but in time you will reap the benefit - and so will Gemma. You are working wonders for her. Kathleen x
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 854
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I am so pleased for Gemma and the rest of the family.. This little girl needed a chance and you were the only person who would fight for it . Lets hope that this environment provides just what Gems needs to be the girl she was intended to be before the damage was done. Well done you!
Eleanor x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 856
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How lovely to read how she's settled in- it sounds like a wonderful place for her
Much love
Maria x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 872
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Well done Jenni, it sounds as if she is settling well xx
So glad you feel secure about where she is,
Thinking of you,
With love from Liz xxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,110 Location: London
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Hi Jenni, thank you for updating us regarding Gemma. Sounds like this was a fantastic move for her, she has some very supportive and knowledgeable people to help her. You have completely done the right thing for her, its so hard for you of course, but she will benefit so much from this type of environment. Keep us updated please x BARBARA
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/14/2010
Posts: 118
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So pleased that it seems to be working out so well for gemma. i am sure that this is the best thing for her Take care of your self Jenni? Will Gemma be home for the hols ? Love Melanie
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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hi Mel
thanks for asking, I spoke to her therapeutic community today actually- she is doing ok, apparently been dipping her toe in the bath and not washing but making convincing noises outside the door to her helper until the next day they notice she wiffs! She has also decided to erm, borrow some tea spoons from the kitchen, but as housekeeping are helping her daily with her room it is really tidy and little things are quickly dealt with!
Gemma is being quiet and compliant mostly but has let her hair down with the other girls and had a bit of a laugh, been ice skating at the weekend etc she is doing her best to present well. Which is a good thing in a way, ultimately I hope she will heal enough to show her honest self more over time. School is going well for her but she only squeaks at the moment so a long way to go there bless her.
She has to have all her over nights there for 6 mths, that is the rule. My parents went to visit mothers day as I just couldnt manage it emotionally really. we are going to see her the Tuesday after Easter- Michael and Bernie too!
I miss her terribly.
Thanks again for asking
Jenni xhow to be a velvet bulldoser
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